I want my blog to be about the light at the end of tunnel. The triumphs of a young woman making her way through medical school and succeeding. However, I can’t pretend that real life isn’t happening right now. My heart is deeply saddened by the incidents that happened on June 17. Late that night, 9 people, black people…African American people died because of a boy who hated them. Who hated me. So for now, I’m taking a moment to pause on my medical musings to release my feelings on this tragedy…
It does hurt. You might not understand the notion of being persecuted or hated for your natural shade of brown skin. I don’t think you understand that its an issue that I have had to deal with my entire life. You were taught you had to “act” a certain way so that no one would look at you with unwarranted suspicion. You were told you had to be “better” than everyone else because that’s the only way for you to be considered worthy.
Now, however, I am learning a new lesson. Their should be no need for suspicion because I walk into a store and pick up a pair of shoes. I will not be “better” to prove to the dominant majority that I am worthy and that I am not like the “rest”. Because the truth is, I’m exactly like “them”. I am angry. I am hurt. I am disgusted, that we continue to live in a country that claims to be post racial, but still can’t get past the race issue. I am black. Not because I choose to be. Not because it means I am inferior to anyone or anything on this planet or the next one. I am black because I happen to have melanocytes which produce an increased amount of the pigment melanin. Plain and simple. My culture, the one that I have been raised and nurtured in, is a proud one. One that I am proud to be apart of. It should not be diminished because of lack of knowledge or understanding on the part of others.
So know that I am praying for God to remove this anger and bitterness from my heart, because I honestly don’t want to hate you, just because it seems you despise me. I do not want to become that person. I understand that in the end, love will far outweigh hatred. And so I will continue to love hard, love freely and love wholly for the sake of myself and the generations yet to come.
I posted the above section on my Facebook page, because I was honestly tired of feeling like I my voice would never be heard. I was tired of feeling so defeated and I need to allow people to understand my own confusion and anger.
As I was scrolling I came across a video. One that articulates what I want to say in far better words, and with far more conviction.
I know it wasn’t an upbeat medical musing post but I really needed to get that off my chest. I don’t apologize for writing it because this is apart of my journey to medicine as well. It showcases how real life, everyday issues we face in this country will apply towards my mindset when I enter medical school. Because life will happen, whether I’m in scrubs or not.
Tell me your thoughts! Leave a comment or feel free to email me.
A Life In Scrubs 